Time off

I took a break from my family for the weekend. As a woman, I think we forget to treat ourselves to a time out. It doesn't mean we don't want to be with our loved ones (husband, children, dog). It means we are starting to pay attention to our need to recharge. When we treat ourselves, we get a chance to relax, get away from the mundane chores that can so often take over who we are and what we do. Our energy levels are replenished. On a daily basis, we should be eating well, getting a solid rest in and exercising on some level. On a weekly basis, we should building in mini breaks. Those could always double as something else - ie exercise. On a monthly basis, we should be building in dates with our friends and spouse. Each quarter we should be planning a night or weekend away from home. Twice a year, we should be getting away with just our partner. Once or twice a year we should be doing something substantial with ourselves and or our partner. That definition is up to you. After that, build in special times with your children - day trips, longer camping trips, times away from home. It's great for the entire family. Having things to look forward to add another dimension and contributes to self care. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with me first.

Polar Bloggers - Are they who they say they are?

It's interesting how blogs allow you to step outside of yourself, should you choose to do so. For example, I know a few people who blog regularly. They have posted pictures that include their family life, social occasions and trips; you name it. The sense, when one looks at and reads the blogs, is these women are grounded, intelligent, articulate, successful and happy. They are deserving of our admiration. What I find interesting is how women respond to women without really taking in to account they have no idea who this person is. One blogger I can think of presents as a strong maternal figure in her family; she dotes on her child, blogs about his accomplishments and essentially gushes . She talks about the essence of motherhood, what it means to be a good partner and how important her family is. Really, all great stuff! Except this person is publicly known to be malicious about her workplace, superiors and fellow staff. She is habitually unfaithful, has left a trail of damaged relationships and brought about the end of other relationships. This informationis not idle gossip or hearsay.

So - To Be a Woman - why do women seem to become bonded to other women they perceive as being in a position to mentor - even on line? Would we admire the same woman if she had an affair with our husband? Yes, things like affairs are two way at the same time how would our view change? Would we still hold her in esteem, relish what she says and admire her? If we discovered a blogger whom we admired was not kind or caring as they display themselves to be - but perhaps mean and gossipy - would it effect us or even affect us?

As women, we often seek to develop a village. Humankind is social, women, even more so. Blogging has extended this to include the ability to communicate with women or people on a worldwide level. It is innately part of our gender to want to affiliate with individuals we like - again, even on line. We seek someone to validate our point of view, someone who we can say "Yeah, what she said." Sometimes you get a vibe from a blog and connect to what the person is saying. Sometimes that person awakens different view points in you and perhaps even influence some change in your life. That could be from trying a new recipe to encompassing spiritual beliefs they may mention. All of this is well and good, but what about the duality - are they really who they present themselves to be? In the case I made mention of above - I find my self in awe over what this woman writes. There is a whole aspect to her life that is the polar opposite to her blog portrayal. She has ripped families apart, families with children involved. The responses are expected and are always respectful, congratulatory and definitely stroking.

It is that last point that I want to close on. Perhaps these polar bloggers (my name for having a different reality compared to the blog) are seeking their own validation. Perhaps they know their darker side and the blog allows them to access a shelter from all of that. Perhaps the stroking is what they crave. In simplistic terms, I know I'm a bad person, but wow - these followers think I'm great.

To Be a Woman - does that mean we simply follow in this quest to affiliate? Is there a personal responsibility to understand how insulating the blog world can be. Should we recognize, for all intents and purposes, who we see, the pictures we admire, the words of wisdom we read and take as advice can actually be concocted, overplayed, even made up and not a true reflection of that individual? Are you a polar blogger? Am I? Or am I over thinking it and blogging is just fun, a way to socialize.

Discovering

Today I discovered something that lends itself to being a woman. It is hard to let go of things that have hurt you beyond your scope of understanding. Sometimes memories and the pain they have caused are so deeply ingrained in who you are becoming, it's a daily battle not to try to succumb to them. People who hurt you seemingly get to move on, forgetting the devastation they have left behind. So what do you do about it? How do you put that kind of pain in a box and shelve it? Does it ever get better or fade away?